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tuesday was a really beautiful day... it was jus wonderful.. got to see and find out new things.. things i never thought that will happen to me and things i never thought i could experience.. it was just so nice.. hopefully it lasts long enough.. a sad beggining with a great ending.. why does the day have to end so fast... :'(coming to another topic, shanker and i have started talking again.. kinda missed the times we used to have... just sitting near my block and rotting and just talk about stuff.. i missed them.. heeheehmmm what else.. oh ya i have FINALLY finished my first entry of my logbook... haha feel so relieved... its like a burden off me.. but the sad part is that there is more, much more to come.. haizz.. so sad..
haizz.. well finally today i told him what i really felt and the good thing which is not really a good thing is that he felt the same way about the while situation. after so friggin long, when i think that hey finally something good is happening, something really bad just follows it... i don't get it.. why? why the hell does it have to me who is going through fucked up situations like this... i am very afraid the same thing that happened a few years back is gonna happen again.i don want the same thing to happen again. i seriously don't.. i don't think i will be able to take it this time... i am feeling so fucked up right now.. seriously, i don't think this is gonna work out.. i really don't.. someone is bound to get hurt and i don't want it to be him because of our selfishness... its just not right.. it was not his fault.. i know what he did to haruna was really wrong but after knowing what he is acting this way.. i am feeling even more fucked up than before.. even before anything starts i am afraid everything might just end...i feel as if someone just put their hand through my chest and is just squeezing my heart..tell me how this is gonna work out.. he is your friend and is mine.. i don't know if we will ever go through with it but IF we did, how will it go about.. you tell me... i know life is not a bed of roses but why cant i just pretend it is without feeling the thorns piercing through my skin every single time i lay down hoping for some comfort and peace...maybe we just have to forget about it and put things back to how they were before it all started... is it possible..?? somebody tell me....
