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heyhey... argghh.. so long since i blogged... many many things going on in my mind right now.. cant sleep... just too many nightmares..
people killing me.... committing suicide... accident... yea some of my nightmares...
forget about that... the most horrifying things is that my past keeps coming back to haunt me.. its like i somehow keep going back to the crime scene... i know i don want to.... but i jus end up there.. its the ppl... its always abt the ppl..
and me leaving... i am gonna miss so many ppl here.. i am gonna leave half my life here and go.. i don know how i am gonna cope with that.. its gonna be so difficult.. i jus hope i don go under depression... my family.. frenz.. loved ones.. BED!!! haha...
life seems to be pretty damn boring... and dreadful...
been reading abt the whole 2012 things. you know the doomsday.. haha jus cant wait.. it seems to be pretty realistic.. i mean it is proven scientifically and religiously.. so i mean i believe in it... and cant wait.. until than i am jus gonna live day to day.. no big plans for the future.. no oohhaaa abt anything... jus live life.. see wads gonna happen next..
MUHAHAHAHA... DIE...EVERYONE DIE!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
hey hey... haha i am back after soo long... well haruna asked me to update so here it is... its not like i don have anything to write.. its jus that i got too much to write that i don know where to begin...
today haruna rosey and me went to east coast... well ba
sically it was a totally emo outing after
rosey left..
i neve knew how much haruna and i had in common that for the first time i told her something that absolutely no one else in the worlds 
knows... i feel so much bette now...
sometimes your brain tells you one thing and you friggin feel something else... i know its kinda stupid but it jus cant be helped... i know its of no use feeling this way coz wads done is done.. wads ended is ended but that does not mean that i cant miss you.. and i am so totally missing you.. there is not one single day goes by without me thinking abt you... i know you don do the same.. not even the slightest thought of me would come by you.. but it does not matter.. i don know if you still do read my blog.. but if you do thanks...
friendship... i don know wads guys defination of this but i really give alot of respect to friendship.. i guess years are not enough to know a guy so well... one day they jus wake up and decide you screw up your day... jus basically screw you up more than you already are... i neve expected this from someone i put so close to my heart.. from someone who was treated with so much of respect in my house and to someone i put so high up in my life... well you seriously dont deserve any gal's friendship... thatz for sure!!!
on another note...i noticed something among the indian guys... there are a few frenz of mine guys of coz who sleep around with other gals and kinda like scandals while in a relationship says that it is alright as long as the gal does not find out (hopeless guys)... i don know in wad way do they think its alright... i mean its singapore for godsake... the gal is bound to find out someday... jus imagine if things does go smoothly without the gal finding out and it ends up in marriage, on the day of the wedding, from the gal's side her frenz arrive and take a look at the groom.. can you imagine she strats yelling " I SLEPT WITH HIM LAST MONTH!!!"... hahahaha... i would love to see such a thing... and than i have some frenz who jus plainly sleep around with gals... well cant really say anything abt that as long as they don do such a thing to nice gals... than there are some who say that the gal is the most beautiful person they have ever seen and bla bla when they are in the relationship and goes like oh my got she looks like a transexual and oh my god she is so ugly and bla bla when they have broken up... argghhh so wanna kill these kinda guys.. and than there are the lantai angels who still talk abt their ex galfren as if they are the most precious thing.. these are the kinda guys i am so proud to have as frenz..
as a gal i really cant stand when guys really put gals down.. like really talk badly abt them.. coz i have and am going through that and i find it so wrong... i mean why.. why should they do that.. wad have we ever done that is soooo wrong.. okie i know there are some gals who are real bitches.. thatz some... not all.. so FRIGGIN STOP GENERALISING AND STOP JUDGING!!!
recently i was talkin to this guy in msn.. the first time i talked to him.. so he was jus asking questions where and i studying and all.. than he asked me so am i seeing anyone and i jus replied no i am single but unavailable.. and gues wad he said.. "okie than bye coz i don like wasting my time"... WTF!!!!!! how irritating... and than the best part is that when i asked him why he is so rude he starts scolding me... he started calling me a skank and such jus becoz i said i am interested in a relationship.. wad the hell wad wrogn with him.. amazingly i was in a super good mood that day.. so i jus told him nicely "well, why don you try going to tamil matrimony. com as you are not lookin for frenz but a wife"... and than he starts using awful words and i jus blocked him off... no point talking to useless guys and trying to make them understand that they are too young to be in a relationship....
yesterday i had the most weirdest dreams.. well i wont say most weirdest coz i have had pretty wierd dreamz in my life.. but a very unexpected one... i dreant abt ismail... haha... i dreamt that we got into contact again and we started talking... you know like how we used to talk... no awkwardness and all... the feeling was really nice.. once i woke up i was feeling as if it was april 12th but that reality hit me and i was back to square one feeling all shitty.. which than led to the hole emo day out with haruna and rosey... i know i am supposed to get over it.. but i cant.. its jus a very unwilling reaction... its jus nice to think abt the good times.. before aug 12th when everything started... okie okie i wont talk abt that again... will jus start getting depressed all over again..
anyways my eyes are shutting... gonna hit the sack...
hope my entries will be regular from now on... hehehehehe
hugs and kisses... missing you badly....
Monday, September 1, 2008
finally i am living my life... after so long... went to a ragi's chalet a few days back.. it was totally awesome.. one of the best chalets ever... we had the best bbq food...
- self made juicy beef burgers
- sambal prawns
-butter prawns
-beer battered mushrooms (created by me and my bro)
-garlic bread
-stingray
-caramel apple with cinnamon
and alot more.. haha wow.. than after that everyone sat down to drink.. yay.. but sadly we did not have enough booze.. only a bottle of Bacardi shared among 3 ppl..
anyways after paying lots of games everyone went to bed and the next day we went to SUNSET GRILL.. woohoo... the chicken is awesome i tell ya.. so so yummy... and the mushroom soup was heavenly.. and so was the beef lasagna... so cheesy soo yummy...
followed by BEN & JERRY'S ice cream at night safari... had brownie something... soo good... one of the best days everrrr...
i finally did something abt my life... went on a date on sat.... wonderful day... got on a bike after soo long... jus imagine i only came home at 5.30am... got a ride on his bike.. hehe... soo siok... great guy... had so much fun.. cant wait to see him soon though.. but somehow he resembles my cousin brother alot though... but its alright.. i had gone past the awkward stage.. haha.. he looks cute so i didnt wanna waste the opp.. hehe..
hmm life is going great except for the whole me feeling very disturbed part.. i don know i cant help the disturbing feeling.. its jus there... i guess its because of him.. but nevertheless, i took the decision and i have to get over it soon..
LIFE IS JUS TOO SHORT.. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN AND DON GIVE A SHIT OF WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK OF YOU... JUST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF... AND THERE YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS... TRUE HAPPINESS... DON LIVE FOR OTHERS JUST LIVE FOR YOURSELF... COZ YOU DON GAIN ANYTHIN BY LIVING FOR OTHERS..
Monday, August 25, 2008
haha... over my past 19 years of life, i have never imagined i would learn such a huge lesson in my life.... something you cant learn in school or in books...
April 12th- lesson of the life started
August 11th- lesson successfully completed
soooo... the extend guys go to.... now i am the bad guy in the whole picture. well i am not really sad or anything.. but seriously after all that i have done for him... again i am not asking him to return me the things i have done.. but seriously at least a little respect.. well at least have a little respect for yourself man.. oh my..
haha you play dirty and so can i...
but wad a sissy.. running to your mom.. oh my.. even i don't do that.. grow some balls BOY... i am guessing you neve grew up and you neve will...
really pity the next gal that comes by.. or should i be saying the next victim..
but again i have to really thank you for bringing a new friend into my life.. a wonderful person.. thank you for that.. he is a friend... at least treasure him will you..
i still neve stood so low as to tell your mom wadever you have said about her.. please i have some dignity.. and i respect ppls feeling...
i wanted to do justice to myself and to you by leaving.. but NOOO.... you just became a fucking sore loser.. haha you just became shanker's ex galfren.. well, kinda worse actually...
i am just so gals everything is over.. wow... i feel as though a huge burden is off me... hugee... cant believe i was in this shit for 4 months.. wow.. but great lesson i life though.. thank you...