MEN!!

i really dont get it.. ismail been texting me continuously these past few days.. saying how much he loves me and stuff.. but i usually jus reply him with a smiley face.. i think he got pissed off today and told me that i am always hurting him and all that.. that i messaged him a compo saying that 'i love you' are not jus words to be thrown around.. it represents something more.. there are not jus words but has an unspoken meaning behind it.. than he said i jus don understand how he feels.. i really don get it.. why say i love you and that you cannot forget me and will always love me when you have a gf? why tell me that those moments we kissed and made out are the best? if you feel that way, shouldnt you be with me? as in break up with his gf? i am not asking him to.. i don wan him to.. but thats the sensible thing to do right? like you feel like someone was way better and maybe even the best person you fell in love with, why are you with another person? i think its stupid..

and then there is titus whom i have had not contact for abt a month now.. been thinking abt him almost everyday.. short moments.. i jus shun the thoughts away.. really tempted to contact him.. but wad shanker said keeps ringing in my ear.. I HAVE TO BE STRONG!!! there is one person who has to be strong.. and i have to be that person.. if its meant to be, it will be.. i don know if he got back together with rukshini.. i have a strong feeling he has.. but you know wad, i know i am always the best.. i am too awesome and irreplaceable . he WILL come back crawling to me.. i think.. but if he does, this time around, i will take it as a sign.. 

and dinesh.. well we have been talking and things are going smoothly.. but i keep getting reminded of eat,pray, love quote where it says that soul mates are neve supposed to be together.. they come into your life, break you out of your shell and than leave... they are the most important ppl in your life. maybe thats how dinesh is to me.. i don know.. we are like two peas in a pod.. our similarities often freak us both out.. but than we had a conversation randomly abt children.. not so random.. i kinda directed the conversation towards that path becoz i really don want kids and i don wanna "cheat" someone.. in the future when things get all serious, than i don wanna say "oh i don wanna have kids" becoz thats not something ppl can compromise.. its their life, the rest of their life.. i cant steal that from someone.. and dinesh felt very strongly abt wanting kids which now makes me think alot.. maybe we will jus date and see how things go when i am back in sg..

and ppl say women are complicating.. come on guys, if you wan something, go get it.. don sit there and complain abt things.. am i jus too guyish? or are the guys i meet too in touch with their feminine side? i wonder........