when in need of serious help

sometimes issues will pick the worst moments to pop up in my life.. so many things will happen at the same time.. sometimes in times like this, you will look for someone whom you can talk to.. all you need is that one person to listen to you and give you solutions.. 

i have tons of friends.. heaps.. but the funny thing is that, when i think of someone to talk to, someone to cry to, someone who would give me ideas or solutions to my issues, i can think of so few.. less than 5 maybe.. the sad part is that if i do call, some will say things like "you call me when you need something, if not you will forget me".. you see, its not like that.. this usually happens when i go back to sg.. i have very little time.. and i usually plan most of my days ahead so that i can make full use of the time i have in sg.. and well lets face it, i am jus a student who is in sg for my holidays.. i don have much cash in my hands.. all, well most of them are working so when they are out, they will suggest places which needs money.. sooooo i don meet them.. if i say this, will they understand? nah i doubt it.. 

and than there is titus, well he is not really a person i would go to for my problems.. he is a very good listener.. but not a person to give advice AT ALL... he will try and crack some lame ass joke to make me laugh and it will jus irritate the shit out of me coz well, its not the friggin time for it.. i am not jus upset abt something.. i need some advice.. but he doesnt get it.. he is not a give solutions kinda person.. 

the best person to talk to, kalei, well she has so much problems of her own, i would neve wanna burden her with mine... kalei and i take the meaning of best friends to a whole new level.. not only is our character alike, we tend to have the same kinda problems with guys..

and than there are the guys, well i dont tell them any of my problems so it will jus be too awkward.. i neve had the need to tell them my problems becoz firstly they are guys.. they don really talk abt their problems and secondly, they always make me laugh when i am down so i am kinda neve sad when i am with them.. 

shanker, he is busy with ns and dinesh.... well dinesh is not really a solution giver and also he will neve talk to me coz he hates me and i think he made that pretty clear....but he says i give really good advices and solutions.. when i tell him my problem.. oh brother, he gets affected by them and a few days later, he will tell you that he is confused becoz of your problem and voila, you jus got yourself more problems.. i guess there it is.. i am there for everyone.. so many ppl depend on me for something.. but what abt me? wad if i need someone to depend on.. let me correct that.. i need someone to depend on.. if i am the whole package for ppl ( guys who date me) than is there anything wrong in me finding for the same thing? i am the guy in a relationship, i am the gal in the relationship.. than wad the hell are you for?? so is there anything wrong when i expect a guy who is double the guy? someone who can dominate and take me under control (when needed)? anyone has what it takes to tame a wild horse?

don even get me started on ismail... i will start telling him something and the next thing you know, i will be consoling him for his petty problems and i will be wondering, how and when in the world did we start talkin abt you? so with him, its always abt him..

do i need it? no.. its not that i cant handle it.. sometimes when things get too overwhelming, its exhausting to be all alone in it.. talking to that one person whom you know will be there for you, take heaps off the burden on your shoulder.. i guess its jus me and you eh blog.. i guess it helps me a little to write down all these.. kinda like i am talkin to someone abt it right.. its like a math problem.. you try and try to solve it in your head and things jus get more and more confusing.. you don have to ask someone abt it but all it take is for you to write them down..the moment you write it down, suddenly it starts looking clearer to you.. solve one part at a time and your solution is right there.. jus have to take one step at a time.. i try my best to not think too much abt it.. worry too much.. its not like i can do anything abt it being here in aus.. i jus have to pray and hope.. pray for guidance and pray to god to be there for my family when i cant be there for them.. i know he hears me.. he always does.. things always work out well in the end.. jus becoz the process to it is a little rough, does not mean he is not there for you, holding your hand all the way.. 

cheer up shakthee.. everything is gonna be alright.. don worry abt things which are not in your control.. everything that has led up to now is due to your actions.. your choices and decisions.. don regret and wonder why he is behaving like this or that.. this is wad you chose.. suck it up and get through this.. feel wadever you wanna feel.. doesnt matter how shitty you feel.. as long as you don hurt another person again and as long as the wounds you have caused on someone heals and they move on.. do wad you have to do to get through it.. in the end, nothing lasts.. we are jus temporary beings in this temporary world.. ultimate happiness awaits..