i am back!

hey hey... haha i am back after soo long... well haruna asked me to update so here it is... its not like i don have anything to write.. its jus that i got too much to write that i don know where to begin...

today haruna rosey and me went to east coast... well basically it was a totally emo outing after
rosey left..

i neve knew how much haruna and i had in common that for the first time i told her something that absolutely no one else in the worlds knows... i feel so much bette now...





sometimes your brain tells you one thing and you friggin feel something else... i know its kinda stupid but it jus cant be helped... i know its of no use feeling this way coz wads done is done.. wads ended is ended but that does not mean that i cant miss you.. and i am so totally missing you.. there is not one single day goes by without me thinking abt you... i know you don do the same.. not even the slightest thought of me would come by you.. but it does not matter.. i don know if you still do read my blog.. but if you do thanks...

friendship... i don know wads guys defination of this but i really give alot of respect to friendship.. i guess years are not enough to know a guy so well... one day they jus wake up and decide you screw up your day... jus basically screw you up more than you already are... i neve expected this from someone i put so close to my heart.. from someone who was treated with so much of respect in my house and to someone i put so high up in my life... well you seriously dont deserve any gal's friendship... thatz for sure!!!

on another note...i noticed something among the indian guys... there are a few frenz of mine guys of coz who sleep around with other gals and kinda like scandals while in a relationship says that it is alright as long as the gal does not find out (hopeless guys)... i don know in wad way do they think its alright... i mean its singapore for godsake... the gal is bound to find out someday... jus imagine if things does go smoothly without the gal finding out and it ends up in marriage, on the day of the wedding, from the gal's side her frenz arrive and take a look at the groom.. can you imagine she strats yelling " I SLEPT WITH HIM LAST MONTH!!!"... hahahaha... i would love to see such a thing... and than i have some frenz who jus plainly sleep around with gals... well cant really say anything abt that as long as they don do such a thing to nice gals... than there are some who say that the gal is the most beautiful person they have ever seen and bla bla when they are in the relationship and goes like oh my got she looks like a transexual and oh my god she is so ugly and bla bla when they have broken up... argghhh so wanna kill these kinda guys.. and than there are the lantai angels who still talk abt their ex galfren as if they are the most precious thing.. these are the kinda guys i am so proud to have as frenz..

as a gal i really cant stand when guys really put gals down.. like really talk badly abt them.. coz i have and am going through that and i find it so wrong... i mean why.. why should they do that.. wad have we ever done that is soooo wrong.. okie i know there are some gals who are real bitches.. thatz some... not all.. so FRIGGIN STOP GENERALISING AND STOP JUDGING!!!

recently i was talkin to this guy in msn.. the first time i talked to him.. so he was jus asking questions where and i studying and all.. than he asked me so am i seeing anyone and i jus replied no i am single but unavailable.. and gues wad he said.. "okie than bye coz i don like wasting my time"... WTF!!!!!! how irritating... and than the best part is that when i asked him why he is so rude he starts scolding me... he started calling me a skank and such jus becoz i said i am interested in a relationship.. wad the hell wad wrogn with him.. amazingly i was in a super good mood that day.. so i jus told him nicely "well, why don you try going to tamil matrimony. com as you are not lookin for frenz but a wife"... and than he starts using awful words and i jus blocked him off... no point talking to useless guys and trying to make them understand that they are too young to be in a relationship....

yesterday i had the most weirdest dreams.. well i wont say most weirdest coz i have had pretty wierd dreamz in my life.. but a very unexpected one... i dreant abt ismail... haha... i dreamt that we got into contact again and we started talking... you know like how we used to talk... no awkwardness and all... the feeling was really nice.. once i woke up i was feeling as if it was april 12th but that reality hit me and i was back to square one feeling all shitty.. which than led to the hole emo day out with haruna and rosey... i know i am supposed to get over it.. but i cant.. its jus a very unwilling reaction... its jus nice to think abt the good times.. before aug 12th when everything started... okie okie i wont talk abt that again... will jus start getting depressed all over again..

anyways my eyes are shutting... gonna hit the sack...

hope my entries will be regular from now on... hehehehehe


hugs and kisses... missing you badly....

happy

finally i am living my life... after so long... went to a ragi's chalet a few days back.. it was totally awesome.. one of the best chalets ever... we had the best bbq food...

- self made juicy beef burgers
- sambal prawns
-butter prawns
-beer battered mushrooms (created by me and my bro)
-garlic bread
-stingray
-caramel apple with cinnamon

and alot more.. haha wow.. than after that everyone sat down to drink.. yay.. but sadly we did not have enough booze.. only a bottle of Bacardi shared among 3 ppl..

anyways after paying lots of games everyone went to bed and the next day we went to SUNSET GRILL.. woohoo... the chicken is awesome i tell ya.. so so yummy... and the mushroom soup was heavenly.. and so was the beef lasagna... so cheesy soo yummy...

followed by BEN & JERRY'S ice cream at night safari... had brownie something... soo good... one of the best days everrrr...

i finally did something abt my life... went on a date on sat.... wonderful day... got on a bike after soo long... jus imagine i only came home at 5.30am... got a ride on his bike.. hehe... soo siok... great guy... had so much fun.. cant wait to see him soon though.. but somehow he resembles my cousin brother alot though... but its alright.. i had gone past the awkward stage.. haha.. he looks cute so i didnt wanna waste the opp.. hehe..

hmm life is going great except for the whole me feeling very disturbed part.. i don know i cant help the disturbing feeling.. its jus there... i guess its because of him.. but nevertheless, i took the decision and i have to get over it soon..

LIFE IS JUS TOO SHORT.. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN AND DON GIVE A SHIT OF WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK OF YOU... JUST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF... AND THERE YOU WILL FIND HAPPINESS... TRUE HAPPINESS... DON LIVE FOR OTHERS JUST LIVE FOR YOURSELF... COZ YOU DON GAIN ANYTHIN BY LIVING FOR OTHERS..

lesson learnt

haha... over my past 19 years of life, i have never imagined i would learn such a huge lesson in my life.... something you cant learn in school or in books...

April 12th- lesson of the life started
August 11th- lesson successfully completed

soooo... the extend guys go to.... now i am the bad guy in the whole picture. well i am not really sad or anything.. but seriously after all that i have done for him... again i am not asking him to return me the things i have done.. but seriously at least a little respect.. well at least have a little respect for yourself man.. oh my..

haha you play dirty and so can i...

but wad a sissy.. running to your mom.. oh my.. even i don't do that.. grow some balls BOY... i am guessing you neve grew up and you neve will...

really pity the next gal that comes by.. or should i be saying the next victim..

but again i have to really thank you for bringing a new friend into my life.. a wonderful person.. thank you for that.. he is a friend... at least treasure him will you..

i still neve stood so low as to tell your mom wadever you have said about her.. please i have some dignity.. and i respect ppls feeling...

i wanted to do justice to myself and to you by leaving.. but NOOO.... you just became a fucking sore loser.. haha you just became shanker's ex galfren.. well, kinda worse actually...

i am just so gals everything is over.. wow... i feel as though a huge burden is off me... hugee... cant believe i was in this shit for 4 months.. wow.. but great lesson i life though.. thank you...

END...

a heart breaking end for an expected happy ending story... well wad can i say, like is unfair at times..

is this one of the experiences that i have to go through in life... am i to learn something from it... if this was supposedly a lesson, damn it is the most fucked up lesson i can ever learn..
you know wads the most funny part, it would be the end of 4 months tomorrow... haha 4 months... the amount of happiness that i have experienced in this 4 months have been more than the amount of happiness i have experienced in the 18 years of my life. and needless to say, its the same case for the sadness, disappointed, hate, anger, pain and everything... dont you get it... its not meant to be... its like putting together and orange and an apple.. no matter how much the apple says i can become an orange, it can NEVE be an orange... it will neve be the same.. tell me something, how long do you think i can live with the hope.. i have to move on in life.. i am 19 and i have to take the opportunities that come by me... if i keep holding on to you, than i will not be moving anywhere in life.. i know i will regret one day.. thatz for certain... but again, i made a mistake to begin with, i should not have played with your feelings.. its my fault.. and i am really sorry... i know sorry is nothing.. you don need a sorry, but i see not way out... you tell me things will get bette, but when??? when will things get bette?? when will you get bette?? will i even be alive when that happens??

all you did was give me your love, life, happiness... all i did was to take and take... finally i took them all and jus dumped in away... i don blame you if you hate me... i will neve blame you if you feel like killing me... i'm sorry for the words i spoke, i'm sorry for the way i treated you, i'm sorry for all that i broke, i'm sorry for the way i think, i'm sorry for how much time i took to end this relationship.. the longer i wait, the more pain it will bring.... its my fault... it really is... i am sorry...

who says first love does not last only for guys??

awesome dayyyy

the day before yesterday... i mean Tuesday.. my cousins and i met up to celebrate my cousin bro's belated bday... was a totally fun day... started off with going for the fish therapy where the tiny fishes feast on the dead skin on the feet... yucks.. i know that was soo friggin disgusting... and the feeling was sooo... hmm how do i put it.. it felt as if your leg was jus covered with earthworms.. all crawling on the skin.. still cant get the feeling off... and it was so ticklish.. i was jus laughing.. but than again you cant move your leg.. so i had to control.. my cousin sis spent about 15 to 20 mins with her leg on the surface of the water.. she was so scared.. i got a really juicy video of it... than finally she put her feet in... haha... it was a really fun experience.. its a really great place to just have fun and chat with frenz and catch up on things...

after that we went down to this place in outrum park called "settlers"... real cool place.. the concept is just so different... the place was filled with all kinds of board games and we were there playing games till 11.. the ppl had to wait for us to leave.. it was just too fun.. although the food was not really great.. but the experience was jus priceless... it was just a day after such a long time i got to spend time with my cousins and brothers.. i miss having that bond...

even my brothers started complaining that i am not close to them anymore.. now i am getting closer to them again.. smoking with them.. just talking crap.. random visits to their room and just ask dumb questions like "so are you studying" or "so playing game ah?".. haha when i clearly know that they are playing game or studying..you know jus small talk... i missed them.. haha.. okie i am starting to get all mushy...

really cant wait to bring my frenz to settlers... i think we will probably have a hell of a time there.. should bring especially shanker.. he would love it... hehehe.. cant wait for the holidays... got so many things planned for us... not me and shanker but the others too...... YAY!!!!!

freaky...

yesterday was such a long and tiring day.. i found out how much patience i really have... and trust me.. I AM A VERY VERY PATIENT PERSON....

for the first time in about 6 years someone screamed at me... it scared the shit out of me... i literally jus jumped up... haha sajeev noticed that...

but seriously thank god sajeev was there to help me out... he is a real angel... he got me and ismail through such a difficult situation... and again when ismail gets angry, he just does not know what he is doing... and i am not talking about that 'issue'.. besides that issue, when he is just angry, he just looses it... one very good example will be screwing his fren up.. a person he cares friggin so much about... the message was just a thousand knives stabbing you... but you are just not dying.. so ya imagine.. i neve wanna get into his bad books.. thatz for sure.. probably i will just kill myself if he says such things to me... haha.. anyways.. hehe guess who finished things off smoothly.. hehe.. ME!!!!.... wow i just feel so grown up.. like so in control of myself... i can just handle any situations now a days... wow... i am impressed with myself.. really... (not braggin)... hehehe...

4 MORE DAYS FOR TERM TO END.... WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO

shakthee loves sherilyn (x

busy as a BEE!!!

heyyy... haha have been so caught up with things lately... thinking of ways to make money... got so much of things to do now...

1) sell tickets
2) start businesses (yea more than 1)
3) find a uni in singapore (hopefully)
4) EARN MONEY!!! (i am on my way doing that)
5) BE HAPPY!!!! ( do whatever it takes to get happiness coz at the end of the day nothing can be compared to it...)

i am so sorry you guys... but the thing is that now every minute is so precious to me that i don't wanna be spending it with people whom are not going anywhere in life.. with the lame jokes and bitching sessions (seriously guys it not really appropriate for guys to bitch around.. its a little too gay even for you ppl)... i would rather spend the time with people who have a future... but seriously no offense..

and coming to another topic... thank you Sajeev... you really are an awesome guy... Ismail and i are really lucky to have found a friend like you.. like Ismail said.. there is a new character in my l life now.. YOU!!!...

like i said.. i choose mt friends.. if you are a friend i treasure.. that means you are really worth it... that is why Shanker, Ismail, Sajeev and Kalei are the people in my heart.. coz you guys just have that in you... fun, practical and the potential to be very successful in life... you guys rock my world...

cant wait for kalei to come back... I JUST MISS YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!! we are gonna have a blast here... and you too Raj... miss youuuuuuuu.....

actually i would say that sajeev is very goodlooking.. ANY GAL SHOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE HIM... and having him as a fren is really an honor.... so proud that he is from my secondary school.. haha its to be expected from ppl from the same school as me waddd.....

haizz damnn... got to stop smoking on the 15th aug.. hehe don know how i am gonna do that.. i just get soo bloody tempted.. and shanker better stop when i do... if not..... and seriously i don know wads the deal with ppl and thinking he is my boyfren.. i mean come on la... he is shorter than me... hehe but its so nice to have a guy best fren... you just get to share everythin.. (sometime it can be a little disturbing)... but i do notice alot of gals checking him out... haha... blind gals... hehe.. (just kidding boy)..

coming to books.. it has been sooooooo long since i read books.. sajeev passed me this book "tell me your dream" by Sidney Sheldon... SUCH A COOL BOOK!!! it just pulls you inside... i don even know the time passing by when i am reading it.. suspense, thriller, vulgarities, sex... it just have everything... cool cool... cant wait to finish it...

so yea.. alot of cool things are happening.. just no time to write them all down... but i will tryyyy...

PS: ISMAIL....... YOU ARE A PIGGY... OINK OINK... haha sorry.. just cant help it...

The Three Types of Satanic Rituals....

Lust Rituals are conducted for the purpose of sexually attracting a person of your choice. You must have a particular person, or at least type of person, in mind for this to have any chance of success.

Compassion Rituals are performed for the gain of those you care for, or on one's own behalf. The purpose is to increase worldly gain for the target, whether it be a friend or yourself. Any ritual aimed at gaining material wealth, physical advantage, or increase in life station falls into this category.

Destruction Rituals are otherwise known as curses or hexes, and are employed for the destruction of one's enemies.

WARNING: in each of these cases, the only risk is that you must truly want to see what you have wished for come to pass. It very clearly states that there is no guilt-ridden risk that your rituals (specifically, destruction rituals) will be returned upon you (such as the "threefold rule"), but rather that you must be aware of the consequences should you get what you want. He advises that if you perform a lust ritual, that you be prepared to take what you have desired should it come to you; if you perform a compassion ritual, be aware that all gains may be at another's expense; if you perform a destruction ritual, that you should not care whether your enemy lives or dies.

crying out...

The breakers of death surged round about me; the menacing floods terrified me. The cords of Sheol tightened; the snares of death lay in wait for me........ where i will rest... rest in peace....

change!!!

haizz lost my brother's phone a few days back... my heart broke.... haha you should have seen the look on his face... he was like "seriously you cant keep a phone" becoz i SAT and broke my previous phone.. well actually again that was my brother's phone... but the worst part is that i lost MY number!!!... the number i have been keeping for about 6 years... lost it... but its kinda good thing though.. just toooooo many people had my number and the number of nuisance calls i have been getting lately is sky high... i really don't know who that dumb ass passing around my number around is... haizz pity those lifeless idiots... anyways got my brand new phone.. more of my kind of phone.. not slim so that i will not get tempted to slip it in my back pocket and "accidentally" sitting on it.. and its NOKIA... yea nokia can withstand rough handling.. seriously.. and i rough handle my phone to the maximum... i drop it at least 2 times a day.. hehe.. yea not something to be proud off... felt so naked without the phone.. like something major was missing in my life.. haizz this is what happens when you your whole like depends on a phone.. teenagers are sad sad souls... being run by technology...

you should have heard what ismail said when i told him i wanted to get a sony ericssion phone.. he went like "NOO!!.. you cannot handle a fragile phone.. you will definitely spoil it"... and the definitely spoil it part came quite alot.. anyways the bottom line is i got a new phone and a new number.. a fresh new beginning to my old life...

PS: this entry was mainly not to tell people i got a new phone... but my blog seemed to be soooooo outdated... been not blogging lately.. AT ALL!!!... just too many things happening... so until a few months.. byebye...

LOVE IS OVER RATED!!!

not again... i don know why.. why do my frenz have to go through this.. it was jus one at first.. but now another... why cant good guys come past.. is it jus my frenz or is it the guy's fault... i cant blame him nor her... well actually i can blame him.. if he still had feeling for his ex galfren.. than jus friggin say it... by hiding it, he jus hurt himself and her in the end.. why.. why did he have to do this unnecessarily...

seriously, i have to say that love really is over rated... so much emotions.. so much hurt.. so much sadness... all for wad.. for some gal or guy.. why do ppl have to go through shit like this... it was hard enough when there was jus one of my fren hurting.. but now i have to see 2... shit... this suckz... who is gonna be next??? noo i don wanna think abt it...

its either breaking up so that the other person would be bette off without them or breaking up so that who can be bette off without the other person... either way, its fucked up... thinking that your loved one broke up with you so that you would be bette off in life does not make the hurt any lesser...

seriously.. WTF are you thinkin gal... wad kinda fucked up reason do you have... its definitely some super lame reason.. jus hope you realize what you have done before its too late for the both of you... again.. its not jus hurting the both of you. but hellooo other ppl are being sad too.. frenz, family... haizz... relationships can be so selfish at times...

YAY!!!

haha finally i have watched IRONMAN... went to watch it today with shanker... hey gals don blame me.. i have been waiting 2 weeks to go watch the movie with you.. but its jus not happening... so i went to watch with him... i really liked the movie... the graphics were awesome... but seriously shanker is NOT a person to watch a movie with.. so talkative.. when i am watchin a movie.. i will never talk and i don like ppl talking also.. i have to really concentrate when i am watchin movie.. like wads the point of paying money to watch a movie when you are not watchin it right...

coming to another topic.. haha i bought my FIRST saree yesterday... my cousin sister wants me to wear saree for her wedding.. and hmm i jus wanna try it out... see how i look.. haha... kinda excited abt it though... heeheee...

KALLANG river sucks... i hate that place.. arghhh.... the fyp project totally reeks... its like fucking troublesome.. who the hell cares if its polluted... i don give a shit... i am not swimming in there.. arghhh... and seriously fuck global warming... do you know how HOT it was there.. i literally became darker after walking for abt 30 mins.. seriously.. it was that HOT.... aiyoo.. jus thinkin abt the next trip is making me tear... haizz.... and don even get me started on the report... its like a serious headache... and i have not even started it yet... haizzzzz..... why why why... why do we have to do reports...

anyways.. 5 days seem like 5 months.. really... not seeing you is sooo annoying.. really miss IRRITATING you.. and NOTHING ELSE... haha i really have to specify that... if not... you will start thinking abt something else... and i know you don like it.. but i love body art.. its like 60% of who i am.. its not really fair to ask me to give up something that defines me... its unfair to me.. jus accept me for who i am... every single bit of me... pleasee understand... body art does not bother you in any way.. so why ask me to give it up... i am not asking you to do it.. so yea pleasee... i know you will understand this at some point of time.. jus hope its sooner than later... hehe...

xoxoxo

who is calling???

i have no idea why suddenly there are so many unknown numbers calling me.. anyways the stupid shaun/sara felle messaged again.. arghh why doesnt he get it that i DON wanna talk to him.. can ask why i neve message him some more... yea why would i message him after how our "wonderful" date went...

it was the most terrible date ever... first of all, he was short.. shorter than me.. but he saud that he was 179cm.. haha.. wad a turn off.. and he is a definite indian... not a mix like he said... aiyoo really cant believe the lies guys tell gals to go out with them...

coming to another point... arghh its so difficult so give up an addiction... it is.. but the only thing which pushes me is the promise i made... but its sooo difficult... hmmmmmmmmm.......

and one more thing... hehe i got ISMAIL'S BABY PICTURE!!!! hehehehe.. ANYONE WANNA SNEAK PEAK OF IT???? hahahaha

beautiful day

tuesday was a really beautiful day... it was jus wonderful.. got to see and find out new things.. things i never thought that will happen to me and things i never thought i could experience.. it was just so nice.. hopefully it lasts long enough.. a sad beggining with a great ending.. why does the day have to end so fast... :'(

coming to another topic, shanker and i have started talking again.. kinda missed the times we used to have... just sitting near my block and rotting and just talk about stuff.. i missed them.. heehee

hmmm what else.. oh ya i have FINALLY finished my first entry of my logbook... haha feel so relieved... its like a burden off me.. but the sad part is that there is more, much more to come.. haizz.. so sad..

WHY??? WHY ME!?!?!?

haizz.. well finally today i told him what i really felt and the good thing which is not really a good thing is that he felt the same way about the while situation. after so friggin long, when i think that hey finally something good is happening, something really bad just follows it... i don't get it.. why? why the hell does it have to me who is going through fucked up situations like this... i am very afraid the same thing that happened a few years back is gonna happen again.

i don want the same thing to happen again. i seriously don't.. i don't think i will be able to take it this time... i am feeling so fucked up right now.. seriously, i don't think this is gonna work out.. i really don't.. someone is bound to get hurt and i don't want it to be him because of our selfishness... its just not right.. it was not his fault.. i know what he did to haruna was really wrong but after knowing what he is acting this way.. i am feeling even more fucked up than before.. even before anything starts i am afraid everything might just end...

i feel as if someone just put their hand through my chest and is just squeezing my heart..

tell me how this is gonna work out.. he is your friend and is mine.. i don't know if we will ever go through with it but IF we did, how will it go about.. you tell me... i know life is not a bed of roses but why cant i just pretend it is without feeling the thorns piercing through my skin every single time i lay down hoping for some comfort and peace...

maybe we just have to forget about it and put things back to how they were before it all started... is it possible..?? somebody tell me....

tiring day!!!

haiz.. today me and the gals had to walk around the kallang river and find out the sources of pollutants and stuff.. it was soo friggin tiring.. we walked the wrong way for abt 20 mins and had to walk back all the way again.. haha

but we decided to you know take a d -tour and hang out at some nearby mall.. hehe...
here are a few pics taken there...

ANNOYING!!!!!

yesterday went to IRC again.. this time i changed my nickname to 'LadyDeath'... haha you should see the number of guys talking to me.. about 15 of them... damn.. and the worst thing about these guys is that just within seconds, they will be asking for your number.. haha... of coz i didnt give it to them... i am not dumb.. i know wad these guys would do.. anyways i was typing continuously for abt 1.5 hour.. my fingers still hurt...

they kept on asking how i look.. i got so irritated that i only typed one thing to them 'Friendster'... jus go check out my friendster if you wan.. haha.. than after than they start asking for msn add... haiz i gave them that too..

i wont say that all guys that i met were terrible jerks.. 2 or 3 of them were nice guys.. the rest were jus jerks...

i don get the whole indian guy mentality.. jus becoz an indian gal wears bikini, does that mean she is open to sex..?? like goes around having sex.. i don know these guys i talked to yesterday had that thought..

there was a picture of me sitting on the stairs and drinking the apple flavored vodka... and even i did not notice and not even my frenz noticed it but i was wearing a pink bra and it seems that the color could been seen through my top.. these guys, almost all of them noticed it and even had the guts to talk abt it to me.. than one of the guy started asking me what i am wearing now.. eeewww.. immediately i closed his chat window.. than another bugger asked me " are you a g-string kinda gal, sating panties or cotton panties kinda gal" WHAT THE FUCK!!! i was appalled. seriously... wad are these guys thinking.. jus becoz they see an INDIAN gal wearing bikini, these guys jus ask wadever they want to them.... and when i did not reply to him, he asked me" are you angry?" haha wad do you expect.. of coz i am pissed...

there was one guy.. let me jus roughly tell you how the conversation went...

indian guy: so are you att?
me: no
indian guy: no flings?
me: no
indian guy: any physical relationships
me: wad do you mean..
indian guy: you know kissing and hugging
me: NO!! anyways why do you care
indian guy: jus wanted to know
indian guy: so do you club
me: not often.. occasionally
indian guy: do you dance with strangers there
me: no
indian guy: do you let any guy you know touch you?
me: wad.. noo... i don let anyone take advantage of me.. i am conservative in these matters
indian guy: but you show off your boobs in pictures
me: excuse me.. i am not showing anythin off.. its jus a bikini. i am not askin anyone to see it..

thank i got really pissed and closed his chat window too.. seriously wads up with these ppl and bikinis.... a guy can be topless at a beach and its nothin but a INDIAN gal cant even wear bikinis nowadays..

when gals form other race wears bikini.. these indian guys will jus drool over them.. but if an indian gal wears it... these guys have a hugeee problem and jus give them the tittle of a prostitute.. i never used to care abt wad all these loosers think of me.. but its jus that as an indian, the indian community is too small to jus be free and do wadever i want.. it will come back and bite me in the ass one day..

why cant these ppl jus get over the fact that it does not matter how you dress.. its the character that matters..

haizzzzz........ annoyed!!!!!! change you ppl!! change!!!

heyheyhey.... I am so bored.. as usual.. yesterday for the first time, after the persuasion of a certain 'Piglet', i registered for MRIC...

And i have only one thing to say abt it... BORING!!!! its firggin boring i tell ya.. in the main room, there was a few ppl scolding one another... i mean it is just boring... one guy was chatting with me in a private room.. and he is a friggin pedofile.. he is 34 years old and goes to republic poly to check out gals... and he even knows the yandao website and was asking my name to check out my face... hahahaha... i asked him straight to his.. "arent you a little too old to be going after poly gals" and he just "LOL'ed".... hahahaha....

anyways forget abt that.. i am at work and i just got screwed by a bloody S.O.B.... rosey sent him an email yesterday so i called him up today to ask if he had revceived the email and if he had disseminated it to the departments that we wanted ppl from.. the bugger yelled at me saying that he is not interested in the topic of the email so he is not gonna disseminate to others.. WTF.... who asked HIM if he was interested.. that bloody felle from india.. feel like tearing his fucking greasy head off and feeling it to the crows...

hahahaha yea i so would like to see that.. yummy!!

coming to another topic.. I CANT WAIT TO GET FIRED.... i am just sitting here blogging.. dont even care who walks by... i am just waiting to here 3 wonderful words.. "YOU ARE FIRED!!!!" haha i cant friggin wait to go home.. i miss my 12 hour sleep.. i miss watching tv all day on my bed.. i miss being free you know.. just wake up in the morning.. brush my teeth and just laze around in the house.. haizzz.. that is how you enjoy holidays... yea i know what you are thinking.. i dont ususally take a shower in the mornings when i wake up.. i only take a shower right before i go to bed.. heeheeeeee...

so... my fingers are hurting... i will probably blog tomorrow or by next year... muhahahaha... enjoy your holidays people with practically no life, reading ppls blogs to entertain yourselfs... hehehe... okie adios amigos.......

MISS YOU GAL!!

haiz i am missing kalei too much nowadays.. miss just going to the beach and chilling out.. checking out cute guys.. hehe... miss just wondering around orchard aimlessly... actually i miss the whole gang... shawn, senthil, sadish, kalei... i keep remembering the times when almost every week we went to makansutra and had our usual pineapple rice with 2 cans of heineken.. haha.. followed by going to our "spot" and just sleep there... it was not much but those were the simple moments where nothin else mattered.. it was nice...

i miss the times when it was just the 2 of us....
but so much of adventures we had...
some were great & some were so bad it still haunts me now and than..
but i still loved being with ya..

i miss ya house...
i miss ya couch.. jus lying there rotting and watchin tv...


miss ya gal... love you still.. see you real soon.. :o)

until than i have my other piggies whom i can irritate the shit out of.. haha yea i am talkin about you haruna and rosey... haha rosey, seriously you cannot make it as a smoker... haha... haruna haruna... hmm wad can i sayyyyy..... small but deadly.. hahahaha.... ya ya act like working only... don stare at the computer so much.. your tiny brain might just burst..

FYI: if any of you readers work in a bank and have been receiving calls from a telemarketer who sounds like a 3 year old... its haruna...HANG UP THE PHONE THE MOMENT YOU HEAR HER VOICE.. SHE IS DANGEROUS... BE VERY CAUTIOUS!!!....

thatz all folks.. have i entertained you guys enough??
ARSES!!!

haha finally!!!

hey hey people.. and haruna.... finally i have the time to write.. actually i always had the time.. i am just too lazy to update my blog... i actually have alot of stuff to write about but just lazy.. hehe.. anyways just got my pay last week.. spent about $400 plus in 4 days.. my heart aches.. hahaha.... still need to do alot more of shopping and need money.. haiz.. I HATE WORKING... it totally suckzz and the worst part is that for 8 friggin hours we cant have any kind of entertainment. how sucky is that.. hmm coming to another topic, me, haruna, her fren and my brother went clubbing on friday.. we went to zouk first.. IT TOTALLY SUCKED.. and i am not exaggerating when i say that we were practically falling asleep there... we really were yawning away so we decided not to waste the night and went to MOS... that rocked.. mos is a really cool place for an english club... got to check out a few cute guys.. one of them could really dance well.. haha.. my brother was falling asleep STANDING UP!!!... me and my frenz had fun though... thatz the point.. danced till our toes killed us... NEVER WEAR HILLS FOR CLUBBIN... my whole body was aching the next day... ouch!!... haruna slept over in my house... she got my bed.. haha.. slept until abt 1 plus and we got woken up by the noise of sun tv.. arghh... screw home theater system.. anddddddd here i am, its sunday night and i just took leave for tomorrow becoz i am drinkin tonight.. heehaaaaa... drinkin with my cousin brother and his galfren and my brothers... they are talking about how to make money.. i am bored... haha... anyways i got inspired to update my blog thanks to haruna's tag... haha... yay can sleep tomorrow.. hooray...

PS: if any of you guys parents or grandparents or even readers are suffering from any illness or sickness or anything drop me a tag... i have i simple solution for it.. this really works... not a hoax guys... i am not trying to sell anything.. just trying to help.. its certified by doctors.. so just drop me a tag.. a real money making deal.. thank you.. :)

BORING!!!!!!!!!!!

haiz my job is friggin boring.. telemarketing job suckz... i am in charge of inviting the manager and director of Jakarta banks.. the names they have is funny. an example would be lik ganja... haha... when i asked the operator for him, i jus laughed on the phone.. i have to sit on the firggin office for 8 bloody hours and call and call and call.. the only reason i am still staying is the pay.. ITS 8 BUCKS PER HOUR.. cool right.. hahaha... anyways i think the operators are really pissed off with me.. i had to call them and ask for 3 to 4 people continuously. who wouldnt be pissed off.. its soo boring i tell ya.. and the worst part is that most of them cant understand english.. i have to repeat myself ALOT... and i get hanged up on ALOT too.. hahahaha...

going to another topic.. i had to take out my naval piercing.. it was getting rejected by my body.. am planning to let it heal fully and pierce again.. heehee... thinking of some other cool place to pierce.. if anyone has any suggestions please drop a tag saying so.. thank you... so i guess thatz abt it.. i will update my blog again when i am bored to death... haha.. yea i am bored to death now....

CUTE PETS OR FASHION STATEMENT????

hey guys.. haha finally i have updated my blog.. hehe... anyways i am gonna talk about a VERY VERY important issue. i have sent you guys an email titled 'Skinning Animals Alive'. please do just take 5 mins of your time and read it through and sign the petition please. i beg of you guys. and do not forward the mail but copy and paste it because if you forward it, the title gets lost. and people might just delete it without even reading it. SEND THE MAIL TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN PLEASE... it is very wrong, what are people doing nowadays. has the human race come to a point where drinking monkey brain, eating dead fetus and eating puppies and kittens has become a delicacy? this is very wrong you guys. i am not asking anyone to become a vegetarian or something because i am not one myself but not to this extend. its disgusting and sickening. SKINNING ANIMALS ALIVE?? what is this... have people gone insane.. this is sick!!! so please we have to do our part to prevent this. i am not asking a big favour from you guys. just 5 mins will do... your every small contribution can save a poor animal's life somewhere... please do this for me at least..

PS: IF ANYONE HAS NOT GOTTEN THIS MAIL YET PLEASE DO DROP AN EMAIL OR TAG ME SAYING SO. SO THAT I CAN SEND YOU THE MAIL. PLEASE. THE ANIMALS NEED US. LETS DO SOMETHING HUMANE FOR A CHANGE.

my loved ones...

haiz... just thinking of my cousins leaving is really depressing... i never realised how big of a deal it was until today when i went for my family gathering... i just got kinda close to them and now everyone s leaving and going their own way.. i realized how sad i am gonna be just thinking that they are not gonna be in the same country as me for a long time... i cant see them whenever i want or for any family occasions... my best fren is not here.. now my cousins are leaving one by one.. its like my loved ones are not with me anymore.. no mater how distant i am from them, they have always made me feel loved and made me feel close to them and not alone.. i always knew that no matter what happens they still love me and always will be there for me.. come to my rescue, if i need any.. there was once when my cousins and i went MOS... and i got kinda disturbed my this friggin guy and when i told them abt it, they got all jumpy and said not to go anywhere alone next time.. somehow i felt really comforted by it.. i know that it was not those mushy kinda words like i love you and stuff but i knew they love me inside and these are the times where i can get a glimse of it.. its really nice you know.. when people who don show their love openly say even the smallest things like this make you feel really loved.. and to think that i am not gonna see their faces for months makes me feel really sad.. haiz.. hope they wont be gone too long..

PS: i love you guys.. i know i don say it.. i know you guys would not like me to say it but i love you... gonna miss you...

Fly away....

have you ever wished you could just get away from everything... i have.. alot of times.. almost everyday actually. i have always wished i could just fly. get away from everyone, everything. just be in the night sky, wind in my hair engulfed in the moonlight.. just under the carpet of the stary night... in peace and serenity. where i could just be myself.. just hear my own thoughts and nothing else. no noise of the cars, people yelling at each other, loud music and tv, stress of education.. nothing... below me where i can only see the beauty of the lights lit up at the streets... breath is the fresh air... where i can sing at the top of my voice and nobody will stop me or tell me i have a very bad voice.. just fly away and rediscover myself with no one telling me what to do or manipulating my thoughts and changing me to be someone else.. even if its just a few hours.. it will heaven... i will be free... free from everything even from myself... where the world is nothing... nothing else will matter to me when i am just the night sky flying away in the cold night breeze....

beautiful nightmare

for the first time after what only seemed to be centuries, there was a sense of happiness in me. a feeling that i thought i could never feel again.

i slowly looked down at my hands. RED. that was what i saw. my hands were covered in blood. my white satin gown was stained with blood. but somehow the colour was beautiful. i did not want to remove it.

i realized i was holing onto something tightly in my hand. i lifted up my hand slowly that every second seemed like an eternity.

finally i saw it. my paper cutter tightly clenched between my fist that i could feel my nails digging through my flesh. the feeling was nice. the pain was somehow relieving, soothing.

something at the corner of the bed caught my eye. there was a blood trail from me leading to it. something inside told me to follow it and i did, taking each step carefully and steadily.

there he was. my prince laying there on the ground covered in blood. gruesomely stabbed to death. everything came rushing back in my mind.. i remembered what happened.
i killed him.
i killed my prince.
and the thought of it made me grin. i loved the feeling. the feeling of murder..........

first time for everythin..

so i jus created this blog. i am that bored.. haha.. i am so not a blog kinda person. i think having a blog is a total waste of time. but hey if it makes me feel bette to jus think that some soul out there is reading this junk that i am writing than that is totally fine with me. i am dedicating this to you my poor friend. haha.. anyways lets see today i went to watch 'sweeny todd' with my little piggy friend. the movie was awesome. so much blood and stuff. it was nice and funny. hmmm i wonder how you bloggers do this. i seriously cant think of anythin to write and i dont know why you are reading this crap that i am writing. but i really appreciate it.. hehe.. i think most probably i will just write short stories from tomorrow onwards or somethin. at least it will be interesting and entertaining for you. that is if you visit this blog again. haha.. so i guess thatz it than.. come read my blog for short stories... :o)