beautiful day

tuesday was a really beautiful day... it was jus wonderful.. got to see and find out new things.. things i never thought that will happen to me and things i never thought i could experience.. it was just so nice.. hopefully it lasts long enough.. a sad beggining with a great ending.. why does the day have to end so fast... :'(

coming to another topic, shanker and i have started talking again.. kinda missed the times we used to have... just sitting near my block and rotting and just talk about stuff.. i missed them.. heehee

hmmm what else.. oh ya i have FINALLY finished my first entry of my logbook... haha feel so relieved... its like a burden off me.. but the sad part is that there is more, much more to come.. haizz.. so sad..

WHY??? WHY ME!?!?!?

haizz.. well finally today i told him what i really felt and the good thing which is not really a good thing is that he felt the same way about the while situation. after so friggin long, when i think that hey finally something good is happening, something really bad just follows it... i don't get it.. why? why the hell does it have to me who is going through fucked up situations like this... i am very afraid the same thing that happened a few years back is gonna happen again.

i don want the same thing to happen again. i seriously don't.. i don't think i will be able to take it this time... i am feeling so fucked up right now.. seriously, i don't think this is gonna work out.. i really don't.. someone is bound to get hurt and i don't want it to be him because of our selfishness... its just not right.. it was not his fault.. i know what he did to haruna was really wrong but after knowing what he is acting this way.. i am feeling even more fucked up than before.. even before anything starts i am afraid everything might just end...

i feel as if someone just put their hand through my chest and is just squeezing my heart..

tell me how this is gonna work out.. he is your friend and is mine.. i don't know if we will ever go through with it but IF we did, how will it go about.. you tell me... i know life is not a bed of roses but why cant i just pretend it is without feeling the thorns piercing through my skin every single time i lay down hoping for some comfort and peace...

maybe we just have to forget about it and put things back to how they were before it all started... is it possible..?? somebody tell me....

tiring day!!!

haiz.. today me and the gals had to walk around the kallang river and find out the sources of pollutants and stuff.. it was soo friggin tiring.. we walked the wrong way for abt 20 mins and had to walk back all the way again.. haha

but we decided to you know take a d -tour and hang out at some nearby mall.. hehe...
here are a few pics taken there...

ANNOYING!!!!!

yesterday went to IRC again.. this time i changed my nickname to 'LadyDeath'... haha you should see the number of guys talking to me.. about 15 of them... damn.. and the worst thing about these guys is that just within seconds, they will be asking for your number.. haha... of coz i didnt give it to them... i am not dumb.. i know wad these guys would do.. anyways i was typing continuously for abt 1.5 hour.. my fingers still hurt...

they kept on asking how i look.. i got so irritated that i only typed one thing to them 'Friendster'... jus go check out my friendster if you wan.. haha.. than after than they start asking for msn add... haiz i gave them that too..

i wont say that all guys that i met were terrible jerks.. 2 or 3 of them were nice guys.. the rest were jus jerks...

i don get the whole indian guy mentality.. jus becoz an indian gal wears bikini, does that mean she is open to sex..?? like goes around having sex.. i don know these guys i talked to yesterday had that thought..

there was a picture of me sitting on the stairs and drinking the apple flavored vodka... and even i did not notice and not even my frenz noticed it but i was wearing a pink bra and it seems that the color could been seen through my top.. these guys, almost all of them noticed it and even had the guts to talk abt it to me.. than one of the guy started asking me what i am wearing now.. eeewww.. immediately i closed his chat window.. than another bugger asked me " are you a g-string kinda gal, sating panties or cotton panties kinda gal" WHAT THE FUCK!!! i was appalled. seriously... wad are these guys thinking.. jus becoz they see an INDIAN gal wearing bikini, these guys jus ask wadever they want to them.... and when i did not reply to him, he asked me" are you angry?" haha wad do you expect.. of coz i am pissed...

there was one guy.. let me jus roughly tell you how the conversation went...

indian guy: so are you att?
me: no
indian guy: no flings?
me: no
indian guy: any physical relationships
me: wad do you mean..
indian guy: you know kissing and hugging
me: NO!! anyways why do you care
indian guy: jus wanted to know
indian guy: so do you club
me: not often.. occasionally
indian guy: do you dance with strangers there
me: no
indian guy: do you let any guy you know touch you?
me: wad.. noo... i don let anyone take advantage of me.. i am conservative in these matters
indian guy: but you show off your boobs in pictures
me: excuse me.. i am not showing anythin off.. its jus a bikini. i am not askin anyone to see it..

thank i got really pissed and closed his chat window too.. seriously wads up with these ppl and bikinis.... a guy can be topless at a beach and its nothin but a INDIAN gal cant even wear bikinis nowadays..

when gals form other race wears bikini.. these indian guys will jus drool over them.. but if an indian gal wears it... these guys have a hugeee problem and jus give them the tittle of a prostitute.. i never used to care abt wad all these loosers think of me.. but its jus that as an indian, the indian community is too small to jus be free and do wadever i want.. it will come back and bite me in the ass one day..

why cant these ppl jus get over the fact that it does not matter how you dress.. its the character that matters..

haizzzzz........ annoyed!!!!!! change you ppl!! change!!!