......

hmmmm is it weird that whenever i listen to a love song, the first person who pops in my mind is ismail and not titus.. i mean shouldnt i be thinking abt my "boyfriend" instead of my ex.. 

i dont know maybe its becoz i have been thinking abt ismail constantly for the past 1 month.. damn thatz long.. waiting and waiting.. maybe this is how he would have felt when we broke up.. but than i dont think he felt bad that we broke up.. he didnt seem like he was hurt.. he was angry yes but i am not too sure abt heartbroken.. i don know.. i guess i would not really know until i talk to him.. when will be message meeeeeeeeeee..... he is testing my patience.. AS USUAL!!!!!!

jus something

okie its not like i am purposely emoing.. but i think this song was jus so me.. i could jus relate... especially the first part.. its En Nanbane song from Mankatha...

yen nanbane ennai yethai

en paavamai vanthu vaaithai

un polave nalla nadigan oh

ur engilum ellai oruvan

nallavargal yaro

theeyavargal yaaro

kandukondu kanni yaarum 

kaadhal seivathillaiye

gangai nathiyalla kaanal nathi enru

pirpaadu gnyanam vanthu laabam ennavo

 don you think its very true.. we dont fall in love with someone after analyzing them.. i mean we should.. but we dont always.. thatz wad leads to some of the biggest mistakes in our lives.. at the same time you cant just it go becoz they have hurt you or they are a bad person (i am not taking abt a murderer or a rapist)... becoz you can never lie to your own feelings.. wads felt is felt.. no matter how wrong it is.. its something you can never erase.. 

:'(

you.. everything reminds me of you.. when someone posts something happy abt love, it reminds me of what we used to have.. when someone posts how love has hurt them, it reminds me of what we no longer have.. 

there isnt a single day that goes by without me thinking abt you at least once.. its not that i want to, it just happens.. every love song reminds me of you, one way or another.. why did you do this to me.. why did you show me love when you never meant to be with me forever.. why did you say those lies to me.. why did you make me cry when all i wanted to do was share my happiness with you..spend my life with you.. why did you throw my love away, was it so easy to jus dump me in a corner.. did i not mean anything to you.. i shared my happiness and sorrow with you.. i threw my feelings at your feet hoping you would do the same with me.. 

how much i tried to work things out between us.. those empty promises you gave me.. but in the end, in the end, it was all my fault.. how easy it was for you to thrash talk abt me.. i respected our love but i guess you didnt see it that way.. how to suspected me, my love every single time we had a spat.. how i cried, begged you to hear me, to understand me.. your ears heard my cries but your heart never did... you said you could never live without me.. was that all i lie.. a lie that i bought because it was you.. you were everything to me.. and now i am no one to you.. how things turn out.. funny isnt it.. life, love, feelings, emotions.. you played a game.. i hope it was fun for you coz sure as hell i didnt enjoy it..  

i could never see you get hurt.. i shed tears, so much tears when you got hurt.. when you got hurt becoz of me.. how i hated myself but i could never hate you.. it broke my heart everytime i saw sorrow in your eyes... but you were always blind to mine.. i wanted to feel the same pain as you.. did you ever understand that i would do anything for you.. i made a mistake as you always did.. but you neve came back to me.. you never fought for me or our love.. you didnt care... you left me astray.. i was a passing cloud to you.. something you enjoyed for a while and waited for something better to come by.. 

did i not deserve your love.. has someone better arrived for you yet.. have they filled the hole i left in your heart.. becoz no one has replaced you in my heart.. you were mine.. my love, my everything.. 

i still remember walking behind you.. trusting you.. i cherished you..but you left me behind.. lost, yearning to see you.. see you smile and tell me everything is gonna be alright, like how you always did.. tell me you never left but just got lost a little.. tell me how you searched for me in the darkness.. tell me you never gave up.. tell me i am yours.. hold me tight and never let go.. warm me with your smile.. i am not angry.. just hurt.. very hurt.. why dont you understand that.. you are blinded by your anger.. anger and revenge.. you never let my love show you the colours of the world.. but you did.. you showed me the beauty of the rain, night, sunshine, wind everything.. everything holds your memory.. you are always in my mind and you never left my heart.. you just took everything.. and i am left empty..ppl say time heals everything.. time has gone by but it has never erased you, or the hurt or my love..

all i ask if for you to talk to me... i am willing to listen.. will you listen to me as well..

:)

"Girls are like apples on trees... The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground but aren't as good, and are easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday..."

THIS IS FOR MY BEAUTIFUL LADIES.. HARUNA AND ROSEY...