DONE!!!!!

well finally its done.. i broke up with titus yesterday.. he amazingly took it well.. i mean he posted something abt it in fb, like how pissed off he was.. but he didnt make it difficult for me.. when i was talkin to him, it seemes like he was busy doing something else.. like what i was saying was not important.. had alot of hold on, and alot of movement sounds over the phone.. felt like i was talking to the wall actually.. but when i told him what i had to tell him, he said, " yea this is what you keep telling me, but you end up coming back to me" than i told him yea thatz coz when i see you, the feeling come rushing back.. than he was all so serious and stern and said " when you come singapore, better dont meet me or call me, delete my number off your phone and i will not contact you anymore.. study well and take care".. and he put down the phone.. i was surprised.. but well there was no drama or anything.. like i didnt feel that bad..

actually after i put down the phone, i didnt feel any different at all.. not much difference actually.. coz in the first place, i never felt like i was in a relationship with him. back i had to keep reminding myself that i was.. like there will always be this voice at the back of my head which keeps telling me that i have a boyfren.. this guilty irritating feeling.. like i was not free.. i was contrained to someone.. its really not the feeling you should get when you are in a relationship.. i mean i love him and all.. i care for him.. but its jus not the strong feeling of love.. its more like yea i love you as a friend kinda feeling..

but finally its done.. and this time around, i am sooo not gonna meet him.. anyways even if i do, i wont go back to him.. i know i keep saying this but this time i really dont feel anything for him already.. i know it will never work out between me and titus..

that reminds me, there was a point during our conversation where i almost said ismail instead of titus.. hahahah LUCKY I DIDNT!!! oh god, how that would have turned out.. but i really hope he jus moves on and finds someone else.. i have a very strong feeling that he will.. this time around.. i think he is just sick and tired of this whole break up patch back thing.. i could sense that in the way he talked.. and he is much social now.. like i can see that he goes out more often and meets his friends more often.. not like last time.. so i really think he will move on soon.. he wont have a problem of finding someone else, there are already a few chicks who like him.. so he can jus chose from there.. hehehe.. i think they will suit him much better.. kinda in the same frequency as him.. i am trying to be arrogant coz i am educated and all.. i feel like i am being like that at times and its one of the reason why i was with him.. to tell myself that i am not like that.. but in reality it is the truth.. i am really not trying to be mean or i am not degrading him.. but its the choices that he made in life which has put him in this situation now.. which has made the both of us not compatible for each other..

another reason why i was with him was becoz of his family.. they all just adored me and it was so nice to be loved by someone else's family.. you know.. they all were so nice to me.. made me feel so important.. they always sided me.. and i feel like i betrayed their trust.. but i cant possibly be with him just for his family right.. i mean thats just nonsense.. but whats done is done.. and i hope he finds a girl soon and lives his life happily.. i dont know if he will be able to fully get over me, given the moments we shared.. but i really hope he does..

life goes on..