break time!!!

i am taking a mini break from alllll the studying i have been doing for the past 20 mins.. hahaha *kicks myself*... studying for my tue paper.. for physics!!!!! and its not like the sec sch physics.. like that was any easy.. its more advanced and its kinda killing me.. although its quite nice doing math again.. yes i love math.. but the reason for this post is actually... ermmm nothing actually.. jus thought i will do something other than stare at my facebook..

oh yea i talked to bear on friday.. well i jus asked him randomly.. i asked if he liked me.. he asked why i am asking all of a sudden and i kinda used my brother in law's name.. saying that he messed with my head saying that guys dont spend soo much time talking to a gal if he does not like her.. but he said no.. he said he does have mixed feelings but he isnt sure how he feels.. he asked me if i liked him and i said no.. not in that way.. although he is a really nice guy.. i told him that i need time to get my own feelings sorted out before i can like any guy.. 

feel much better now.. i just dont want to lead anyone on than feel shitty abt it later on.. its better to just get things out of the way and let him know that i am not emotionally available now.. i am trying not to make silly mistakes anymore.. 

nothing much really.. jus busy with studying.. locked up in my room.. staring at the outside world through my window.. 

oh yea and i am hoping to quit smoking soon.. yes yes i have been saying this for a looonnnggg time but i really want to.. the problem is that the moment exams are near, i jus feel like i have to smoke in between studying.. its my zen moment.. the 10 most peaceful mins i get with myself, my own thoughts.. you know.. like how it is for some people when they take a dump.. i dont know how i am going to quit.. but i will really try.. i am not gonna buy a pack after i finish my current pack of cigs... makes me nervous jus thinking abt going without smoking..

i think the first time i attempted to quit was when i was with ismail.. we made a pact to quit together.. hehe i influenced him to smoke again on the 2nd day.. mean girl.. i wonder if he still smokes.. 

i think i should jus dedicate this blog to ismail.. almost every post of mine has something abt him.. -_-