consequences?? haha bitch please..

yello yello.. hmmm nothing much been happening.. the same old fb stalking.. heheh...

there is this guy, jaiganesh.. my fb friend.. i have no idea when i accepted his fren request.. but anyways we have been talking for quite some time now.. since last yr.. but only this yr did we start chatting quite alot.. coz i am always on fb and he is always on fb and i am always bored.. hahaha.. but anyways he said he had alot of free credit for international calls and asked me if i mind talking on the phone.. the thing is that usually i would have said no.. i dont give out my number like that.. especially when i already have a "boyfren" but i have no idea why, i us gave him.. i only realised what i had done after we were on the phone for abt 30 mins.. but the weird thing is that i didnt feel guilty... i didnt feel like i am cheating on titus.. well firstly becoz i dont even feel like i have a bf.. i keep forgetting that i have a bf.. -_- and secondly, i have forgotten the meaning of consequences.. hehehe... i think like haruna said, i am jus too daring coz i am all the way here and i know that no one can do anything.. 

hehehe.. but anyways its not like there is anything romantic going on between me and this guy.. i am jus his past time and he is mine.. it quite boring talkin to him anyways.. i usually catch myself stoning or doing something else when i am talking to him and jus replying to him "yea, yea,, really? oh i see".. hehehe.. 

titus.. haizz dont know what to do with him.. i think he called me the day before yesterday.. totally ccant remember.. i think he is losing his "undying love" as well.. i mean usually he is super clingy and stuff but this time around he rarely calls me. i mean don be mistaken, i am NOT sad abt at all.. in fact i am very very relieved.. he can be quite a handful at times.. and i really hopes he jus loses his feelings.. seriously.. it will make me feel so much better.. and def less guilty.. 

ISMAIL!!!! when are you gonna check your facebook.. haizz.. this is sooo boring i tell ya.. like it jus sucks waiting.. why can he friggin be an active user right.. like what else does he have better to do?? fight for world peace?? free spore from the clutches of evil??? resolve poverty?? what!?!?!?!? check check the damn thing already.. and give me a reply.. a good one.. something i would like.. heheheh... but really check it..

day 3 of smoke free lungs.. feel like going crazy.. feeling very anxious.. i keep looking at the backyard and thinking how nice it would be to jus stand there and have a smoke.. jus one cig is all i ask.. than i keep thinking abt where to get that one stick.. than i think abt all the cig butts i have thrown out and wondering would it be too pathetic if i try and find one with a little bit more to smoke.. than i tell myself its TOO pathetic.. i need chocolate man.. i need my ben & jerrys ice cream.. they don have it here.. damn!!!!... like something is missing from my life.. haizzz

as much as i keep thinking abt jus buying one more pack of cigs, i wonder if i do buy it and smoke again, when will the next time i will quit?? i am 23, i am not a young punk anymore.. i need to stop smoking.. its not something i want to continue for the rest of my life.. and if i tell myself that i will wait till i get a bf and he will help me quit.. than i am just kidding myself coz if i cant help myself, who can help me??? and if i want a bf who does not smoke, than i too have to quit right.. thatz the fair thing to do..

so thanks to this random rambling of thoughts which does not really make sense even to myself, i am back on track.. i am not gonna lose the battle today.. not today..