well guess what.. today my sis and i were in the car on the way to the train station in the morning.. we were quiet as usual.. its early in the morning and we are usually too lazy to talk.. but today my sis looked at me through the rear view mirror and said "can i ask you something, you dont have to reply me or say anything" i was a little puzzled and said yea sure.. she told me that my brother in law, my cousin and she, all three of them thought that there was something wrong with me since i came back from singapore.. she said that i look happy but not really happy.. as in i look happy on the outside but its quite clear that i am not happy in the inside.. and they feel as if i have left someone back at home..

i was a little taken back coz i seriously didnt realize that they could actually see it in my face.. i have been feeling down since i came back.. well coz of ismail.. but i thought i was pretty normal on the outside..

did i really send out such vibes.. to the extend that people around me could feel it?? thatz a little creepy.. am i that bad at concealing my emotions..? damn.. but than she told me that i am still young and nothing is written on stone.. i can always do what i want..

than it got me thinking about ismail the whole day.. i was so absent minded that i forgot my tuition class for one of my subjects.. that annoyed me even more.. why the hell was i being like this? thinking about him is one thing, but forgetting my class, that i cant accept.. i was irritated with myself.. ALOT!!!!

i caaught myself thinking about him again during my lecture.. and that was it.. i told myself NO.. i am not gonna forsake my studies because i cant control my stupid thoughts.. and amazingly i sat through the whole lecture and all the classes that followed with full attention.. i came back home with such a happy feeling.. like i achieved something..

now when i think abt ismail, i dont have a sick feeling in my stomach.. but a very happy feeling.. excitement.. like i cant wait to talk to him over the phone kinda feeling.. i mean its way better than feeling sucky right..

i dont know what i am doing but i am doing it.. i dont know where this is gonna end but i am still doing it.. i know haruna is gonna disown me... but i am still doing it.. hoping that she wont.. hehe.. but i want to do this.. i want to get this nagging feeling off my chest.. i need to try at least.. i know that even if i forget abt him within a month, this feeling is definitely going to return.. maybe in another few years time.. who knows.. but by than, things might be too late.. and i dont want to live with this feeling like i have some unfinished business for the rest of my life.. that truly would drive me insane..

who knows, maybe ismail was the frog who turned into prince charming..